The “Transit Etiquette Duck?” 🙄 These New German Fairytales do NOT go as hard 😒

Back in my day, a demon-crab with only consonants in his name would put a cigarette out on the small of your back.

(His name would be Kczzycks of the Ashes or some shit like that).

THAT’s a German Fairytale.

And you didn’t even have to do anything to deserve it! You’d just be too quiet around your grandma or something and then some big fuck would chuck you into a tree for 18 years.

THAT’s a German Fairytale!

German Fairytales used to go so frickin’ hard it was crazy. And now, “Top-Rack Thomas” gently reminds you which Tupperware is dishwasher friendly.

WHAT?

Don’t get me wrong. I don’t think traumatizing kids is a good method of parenting. But here in America, those stories helped us smile upon the Germans with a vague sense of moral superiority.

And now what? The Germans have environmentalists and WE have nazis??! What the heck is that?!???

What I’m trying to say is it’s getting harder & harder to enjoy Indiana Jones movies.

So no, I don’t need to hear about the new German Fairytale with the Transit Etiquette Duck who exists only to make sure you let people off the train before getting on. He doesn’t even pop out and do anything scary or psychopathic or illegal to the children! He just asks them open-ended questions that have been clinically proven to increase their EQ!

German shit doesn’t scare me these days. Are you kidding me?

Maybe it’s America’s turn to scare the rest of the world with our stories... Just like my mama always used to say, “Don’t eat too many wasps or you’ll wind up looking like Mitch McConnell!”

So yeah. Step aside, German fairytales.

The world’s got a new leader in terms of monsters per capita. 💪😤🔥