I watched the “March of the Penguins SNYDER CUT” so you don’t have to 🙄

Long before DC fans clamored for the release of Zack Snyder’s director cut of the “Justice League” movie, they boycotted the March of the Penguins premiere, which ousted Snyder due to “creative differences.”

Despite the passionate support for their favorite auteur, DC Comics super-fans remained uncharacteristically quiet about the dispute. When I asked DC Comics blogger, Jack O. Lanta, about the unreleased March of the Penguins Snyder Cut, he said, “I don’t want to talk about that,” and shoved me down a hill. Luckily, I was going that way anyways, but it’s alarming how sensitive both Snyder & Penguin fans are around the subject of this cut.

So I got my hands on a copy from an undisclosed editing assistant, Brandley.

[EXCITED SQUEAL OF JOY!]

Aaaaaand I didn’t make it to the end yet, but rumor has it, it’s at least 19 hours long and Morgan Freeman’s iconic voiceover is mostly dubbed over by Snyder himself, mumbling breathlessly about the Fortress of Solitude. Apparently in Snyder’s world, the penguins are some sort of villain group, looking hopelessly for Superman’s famous hideout, hidden somewhere in Antarctica. As Snyder elaborates around hour 8, the Emperor Penguins see themselves as the “polar opposite” to the man of steel, (which may explain their incompetence, as they’re unable to find the Fortress of Solitude for the entire duration of the movie).

I believe this line says everything you need to know about the aimless train-wreck that is the March of the Penguins Snyder Cut:

“Come on fellow penguins! Where’s that dang farm-boy? …Maybe we should stop for gas or something…”